"Strangle or Love"

Last night and this morning I have been having a hard time dealing with my husband. God has been dealing with me in crucifying the flesh. In my morning prayer this morning I was going over the fruits of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit, again. ( Found in Galatians 5:19-25)  I realized that in my flesh I wanted to strangle My husband. I knew that God loved him and wanted to use me to show Crickett His love. Again, If I couldn't love my husband how could I love the world, it starts with the home. 

 Anyway, I also knew that before I could love my husband, I had to receive an abundance so God's love could over flow to Crickett. I spent some time thinking and  receiving God's love.  While I was still a sinner, God loved me. I went through the list, receiving God's love,joy, kindness, gentleness, long-suffering.....I was doing good as long as my husband was sleeping.

When Crickett got up, I asked him if he would like some waffles.  He said, " sure."  I noticed that I only had enough eggs to make cookies, but not waffles.   I called my neighbor, an older single guy, and asked if I could borrow a couple of eggs. The first thing he said when he knew it was me, was," Hi there beautiful."  Boy did that make my day.   I happily told Crickett what he said, as I was going out the door. to go get them. When my neighbor got to the door, he had four eggs, he asked, "what's for breakfast."

 I said,  "waffles" then I asked him if he wanted to join us.  He said, yes.

I made breakfast as he talked with Crickett. After he ate and left, I was thinking, boy, I think I'll call him up everyday, just so I can hear those words. ( I sure don't hear them from my husband.)  Then the Holy Spirit reminded me that, that was the flesh!   Another realization of how strong the flesh is.  How I like those complements!  I then spent some time repenting. I had a hard time calming my flesh down. I prayed that God would help me to love the things that He loves and to hate what he hates.  

Before dinner my husband and I went for a walk.  It was starting to get dark and when I heard a dog barking I got scared,and grabbed for his belt loop. I was still a little raw, regarding dogs.   Crickett gave me a little lecture,and when I commented, he came back with you can be a big B---- why don't you use that energy to go towards the dogs. That hurt!   I wanted to respond.   In the past, I would bring him up, especially if he does the same thing.   I remembered that I was working on the fruits of the spirit. So, for the first time, I kept my mouth shut.

Oh it is so hard to crucify the flesh!   

"Marriage, crucifying the flesh"

God is dealing with me strongly, regarding my marriage.  Since all ministry starts with the home and goes outward.  I can't love the unlovable, if I'm having trouble in my own house.  I have a friend that God has dealt with in her marriage.  She is very hard on me. The things that she tell's me is straight forward and  very hard to hear.  But I want to change, and I know that deep down she is right.   So, I want to encourage you ladies to hear whats hard to hear.  My goal in sharing all this is that you may grow and become the women and wives that God wants you to be.   May God give you the grace to hear and the strength to change.

In Colossians 3:5-10,&12-15,&17

It says, put to death your members which are on the earth, fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness which is idolatry.   Because of these things the wrath of God us coming upon the sons of disobedience in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.    But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.  Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created Him.

12-Therefore, as the elect of God, Holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful,

17- And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through Him.

We have to crucify our old nature and be alive to God.   My friend wanted me to read about Jesus and the crucifixion and see what He went through.  For to crucify the flesh is going to hurt, real bad!  Having to die!   Well, I was to see this very soon, my husband yelled at me sharply.  I did not want to have any thing to do with him at that moment.  I wanted to be as far from him as possible.  I went into the bathroom and cried, prayed, and had a tantrum.  My husband asked if I was going to the bathroom, or hiding.   Ooh, I was so mad.  I finally got my self together and slowly came out and said, "Crickett, stand up."  He did, I gave him a hug and said, “I know that you are frustrated and don't feel well, I'm sorry.”   Then I went into my bedroom.   I did not want to be around him.  I felt good that I was able to give him a hug, but I diffidently was not at a forgiving level.

I learned how you respond to someones sin, can be sin.   My husband yelled at me sharply, which was a sin. My response was anger, unforgiveness, resentment, and not wanting to be near him.   So, to his one sin, I committed four!  It took almost all night, before I would even lay near him.   I did not want to put the old nature to death.  It is so hard!   I just have to focus on the fact that Jesus forgave me and he loves me unconditionally and he wants me to forgive and love my husband unconditionally.  I kept praying that God would touch my husband, but the hard part is knowing that God wants to use me, to touch my husband.   It is so hard to give up hurt and unforgivness, and walk in unconditional love.

My friend also said that the only person that can change is YOU!  YOU have to look at your self as the problem and change you.   Ladies we are going to be held accountable for all of our actions and I don't think God is going to accept excuses.  You can no longer concentrate on what God can change in your mate, you have to concentrate on what God can change in you.   If you do that and nothing is different in your situation, just having a changed out look, can change your marriage.  My friend also reminded me that just maybe what takes the man to change is when he sees the miracle in you!

My friend shared that she never imagined her marriage to be where it is today.  God has truly done a miracle! Knowing her and praying together are giving me hope, strength and the will to do what is right.   Marriage is hard work!   You have to die to yourself and think of others more highly then you.  This process seems like it's going to take forever before you see something good come out of it.   But, what gives me hope is that my friend is seeing the fruit of her labor.   If God can do it for her, he is big enough to do that for me, and for you!   So ladies, the truth is, there is hope.

Together we are on the journey of life.  Together, we will learn, grow, and change.

May God Bless you all!