"Fortress in Marriage"

Dear Readers,

As I've been continuing reading the book, Destroying Satan's Lies with God's Truth, I've been on the chapter of Principality of Rejection, I came to a part that talks about when your feeling rejected, and your spouse says, “I love you,”rejection says, “No, stay away from me. I refuse to be comforted, I will not allow you to love me.”

As I was reading that, I thought, is that what I'm doing? With all the stuff that has gone on in this marriage, am I allowing my husband to love me? Here, I have been telling him, that he has a fortress around his heart, and that he has anger, bitterness.... But if I'm not receiving what he can show or tell me, then I have a fortress around my heart, and I'm holding on to anger and bitterness. Lately I've been at the point of not wanting to kiss, touch or even have sex.

I realized that If I believed in Jesus, he was supposed to be my fortress, not my issues. I really want to be set free, and be able to receive my husbands love, so at the end of the chapter he said to write a list of ways that we have been rejected, and us rejecting other people. I wrote out the list of the main things that my husband has done or said that I took as rejection, also others. I then wrote the ways I have rejected people and my husband, like not kissing him, wanting him to touch me, all of these things. I then imagined pushing down the four big walls, (the fortress) around my heart. Trusting God, trying to stay soft and vulnerable. I then went through the prayer, and lastly, listened to the Lord, regarding the list.

Would you believe that after an hour of doing this, my walls did come down, and my heart had softened for my husband. I was actually able to go into the bedroom and make love to him.

So my Dear Readers, If you have a fortress around your heart, then I encourage you to push it down, and allow Jesus to be your fortress. Keep your heart soft, pliable, and vulnerable, so you can love and be loved.

Husband and agreement!

                                                       

Please hear me out, this blog may start to ruffle some feathers.  Please keep reading the next couple of blogs, and allow me to tell you what all has happened.

I was reading in the bible about the power of agreement, I made a sarcastic remark to God.    I have been married for eight years.   I have not been in agreement with my husband with any thing big or small.   I could count the number of times that we were in agreement, on one hand.

That day, I went to my friends house and we started to talk.  Some how agreeing with husbands came up and I started to tell her what I was going through.  She comes back at me saying, “that sounds selfish you are not trusting God.”  I took a deep breath and we talked and prayed.   When we prayed, it was powerful!   God dealt with me.  I had to deal with anger, unforgiveness, resentfulness, pride, fear, and rebellion.   By the time we were through I was exhausted.   But I felt a whole lot lighter on the inside.

A couple of days went by, and as I was e-mailing a friend, she mentioned that husband's are not just to be the head of the family, but to be the spiritual head also.   Which I knew, but now God was dealing with me on a personal level.    Conviction set in.   I needed to get help working through this.    I called a man of God and we talked and prayed.

God had put a lot of things in me, and I know that God had a big plan for my life.   I desired to marry a missionary and have a partner to pray with, and touch peoples lives with. I waited 43 years to get married because of those desires.   I honestly felt that he was there to help me, and not the other way around.   So, I had to put things in order.  I had to change my heart and trust God.   If I do what I'm supposed to do, be his help mate, then God would be big enough to work out everything he put in me.

I wondered about making goals and plans with Crickett. (could that even be possible!) At that moment he was feeling to depressed for me to even want to approach him.   But my desire that someday we could do that.   Now, this was all a VERY BIG step for me.

A few days later I was back at my friends house and she told me that when God was dealing with her, she would pray, let his desires be my desires and his thoughts my thoughts.   Wow, could I actually do that? After a few hard minutes, we prayed. I was able to repeat line by line everything she had written on a piece of paper. (and it got very personal.)

So, during these couple of weeks,

I learned, to be in agreement with my husband.

I learned, to be his helper.

And finally, I learned to pray and ask God that his desires and thoughts, be my desires and thoughts.

Wow, what a concept!

Diffidently, not what the world teaches.  Please read on to see what happened.

I had a chance to put into practice, agreeing with my husband on something big.   My husband came to me and asked if we had to be stuck in the desert, would I be interested in trying to get this house, if things worked out.  I told him that I did not think we were going to be here for ever.   I then shared with Crickett all that I had learned these past couple of weeks, and I asked him if he really wanted to get this house.   He said no, that he did not want to be in California. (which I knew) and then he said, Colorado.  So with my heart, I said, “I agree.”

My heart had changed and with sincerity I was able to say, I agree.   I was feeling confident at this point, that God could accomplish what ever he put in me, if I became Crickett's help-mate.   For the bottom line is,  God put desires in me, and I 'm believing He can get them out of me.    We looked at some nice places on global earth, that would meet our needs.  Seeing that I was receptive he then started to talk about farming, houses, and games on the computer.

 My heart was being filled with compassion for him. I was feeling closer then I had been in a long time.  This whole marriage has been nothing but division.  It is amazing how not being divided can touch your heart, and bring you peace.    I had no idea that this was so powerful.   I'm hoping things will start to turn around.