Pregnant and.........(For-Giving Self)..

I'm going to be very transparent and take a great risk. Oh, for the mercy of God. When I was growing up, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was dying for love. Now when I had sex, that's when I felt the most love. So, I got very promiscuous. At around 25, I gave my-self to the Lord, Body, mind and soul. For over a year I had sustained from any sexual relations. I had just gotten filled with the Holy Spirit and going to a Vineyard church.

I ended up going to Nebraska with this guy, (another story) I gave up my job, my church and my apt. Telling him that I was not going to have sex till marriage. I gave up my job, my church and my apt. Well, one thing led to another and we had sex. The moment we were through I knew that I was pregnant.

Deep down in side, I wanted to marry a missionary and knew that I was not in a good relationship. I wanted to die. I felt hopeless, and that my life was ruined. I gave up place, church, job, everything, I didn't know what to so. I called a pastor form the yellow pages and he assured me that my life was not over and that I could go back to California and make things right.

I talked with my parents. My Dad was going hunting in Colorado and that he would me meet and we would drive back to Ca.. together in my car. It so turned out that my pastor from the vineyard was doing a conference in Colorado. So I made arrangements to go to the conference then meet my Dad.

After my pastor preached they played the song, “Jesus Loves Me” I just started to cry and cry. I really did not know why I was crying. Then they played “Holy, Holy, Holy.” I realized I was crying because of the pregnancy. I went to my pastor and told him that over a year ago I committed my-self to the Lord and that I gave in and got pregnant. Could he pray for me and the baby. He did.

While I was walking back to my seat, the Holy Spirit said, “You have to forgive yourself” At that time, I had no confidence in me, so I started to look for someone to pray with me, to help me forgive my-self.

I desperately looked for someone, but every one was busy worshiping and did not seem to be at a place where I could interrupt them. I really looked! So, now I would have to do this all by myself. (Oh, how good God is, how when you take a step in His direction, he runs to meet you.) I took a deep breath and said, “Brenda, I forgive you for having sex, and I forgive you for getting pregnant.”

As soon as I said that, God delivered me! I felt pure and Holy! I felt like I had a born again virginity.

Even though I was carrying a baby, I knew that God saw me pure and Holy! I was jumping for joy.

God revealed how necessary and powerful forgiving self really is. God showed me His love,His mercy, and His compassion. This experience was a pivotal point in my life. From that time on, God has been healing and restoring my life.           

                                     I pray that this openness can touch someone's HEART today.             

To Be Bold For Christ!

To my new friends

I have been dealing with fear and rejection my whole life. God is delivering me. I do not want to walk in Fear on this blog sight. I choose to step out in boldness! I want to bring hope and encouragement. Salvation, which is being saved, deliverance, restoration,forgiveness, healing, joy, peace and love. Is brought about by the word and standing up and being a doer of the word and not a hearer only.

God's Word brings life. Jesus told us to love our enemies, To bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. That is HARD. But that is what God wants. In Matthew chapter 10 it talks about Jesus is bringing division, not peace but a sword. Enemies will be in your own house. Jesus goes on to say that we will be hated by all for His names sake. Jesus say's “ Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.”

He goes on to say in Matthew 6 “Blessed are you who when they revile and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. REJOICE and be exceedingly glad for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Now whoever confesses Jesus before men, Jesus will confess before the Father who is in heaven.

I have been greatly afraid of what men say and think. I have been taught not to make waves. I have been afraid to stand up. I am not going to be able to stand if I don't practice standing and proclaiming that Jesus is the King of Kings and Lord of Lord's.

I choose to be bold and transparent. If you my readers hate me for it, then so be it. Now, folks, this is growth! It would be much easier for me to give feel good poems, and light testimonies but that would not help me, or you in the end. I desire to give hope with growth.