"Fortress in Marriage"

Dear Readers,

As I've been continuing reading the book, Destroying Satan's Lies with God's Truth, I've been on the chapter of Principality of Rejection, I came to a part that talks about when your feeling rejected, and your spouse says, “I love you,”rejection says, “No, stay away from me. I refuse to be comforted, I will not allow you to love me.”

As I was reading that, I thought, is that what I'm doing? With all the stuff that has gone on in this marriage, am I allowing my husband to love me? Here, I have been telling him, that he has a fortress around his heart, and that he has anger, bitterness.... But if I'm not receiving what he can show or tell me, then I have a fortress around my heart, and I'm holding on to anger and bitterness. Lately I've been at the point of not wanting to kiss, touch or even have sex.

I realized that If I believed in Jesus, he was supposed to be my fortress, not my issues. I really want to be set free, and be able to receive my husbands love, so at the end of the chapter he said to write a list of ways that we have been rejected, and us rejecting other people. I wrote out the list of the main things that my husband has done or said that I took as rejection, also others. I then wrote the ways I have rejected people and my husband, like not kissing him, wanting him to touch me, all of these things. I then imagined pushing down the four big walls, (the fortress) around my heart. Trusting God, trying to stay soft and vulnerable. I then went through the prayer, and lastly, listened to the Lord, regarding the list.

Would you believe that after an hour of doing this, my walls did come down, and my heart had softened for my husband. I was actually able to go into the bedroom and make love to him.

So my Dear Readers, If you have a fortress around your heart, then I encourage you to push it down, and allow Jesus to be your fortress. Keep your heart soft, pliable, and vulnerable, so you can love and be loved.

Jealousy and Envy ( comparing and competing)

Today, when reading the book, “Destroying Satan's Lies with Gods Truth” by Mathias, He was talking about jealousy and envy, ( comparing and competing.) He was saying that this has to go for they prevent wholesome relationships with others and God,

After I prayed that God would take a light and go through my heart, and let me know what is there, so I can repent and be healed. (God loves to answer that prayer!   Being transparent now,)  He revealed to me that I compared my husband to every one, movies, other men, pastors. From kissing to thinking that other husbands would be more understanding, less angry, less sarcastic, better listener. I was even jealous of my cats, of the way he talked about widows, and orphans. I wished he would talk to me the way he talked about them. I was not content. And lately I was real bad

 I was sinning against God. My husband is the way he is. He may not be able to love me differently right now. It does no good to be jealous or compare him to others. I need to see him the way God see's him, and love him unconditionally. I have to give my hurts to God, let God heal my heart. Let God love me, the way I need to be loved.

God loves my husband unconditionally. God knows his heart, what he is dealing with, and all that he has been through.   So,  I repented of jealousy, comparing, pride, bitterness, and everything else that I could think of. I aloud God to touch me.

Ladies, after God dealt with me, God opened my eyes to how devastating all this really is. I can totally see how all this comparing and jealousy, can prevent a good relationship with our mates, with others and with God. I encourage you to take a good, hard, honest, look at your heart, your actions and see if there is any comparing, jealousy, bitterness, or pride in your heart.       Repent.    Give it to God, ask God to heal your heart. 

 know that in 1^st peter,5: 6,7 it says, therefore humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your (hurts) and cares upon Him for He cares for you. Also, in 1st.John 1:9 Paul says, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. May this make a difference on our marriages.

Remember, Jesus, has come to heal, deliver, and to forgive us!!

-----------------------------------AMEN----------------------------------------------------------

"Wrestling With Satan"

Hello, my dear friends,

         I learned  what wrestling was like in the days of the apostles. I read that it's not like the planned wrestling of today. Two guys would go into the arena, naked., The wrestlers would fight till someone died. Then the winner, would desecrate the dead body. He would poke out the eyes,  pull out the tongue, take off the persons genitals and stuff it in his mouth. Then to top that , he would cut open the abdominal cavity,

 making fun of the looser. Leaving the dead person. To be fully humiliated.

This is what we need to keep in mind as we read in Galatians six, that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against all the powers in the heavenly realm. This is what Satan wants to do with you and me.  When we read that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, the bible is serious. We are on his hit list.

  We hear the words,  Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy,  so often, that we do not take it to heart.

I want to leave you with this. Isn't God wonderful, he does not leave us at the mercy of the devil. Jesus was manifested so that the works of Satan, would  be destroyed.

The word of God says, greater is he that is in you, then he that is in the world. And no weapon formed against you shall prosper, and last of all, The weapons of your warfare are not carnal, but mighty....

We serve a powerful God!!!!!     

May God fill you with his strength, wisdom and power!!

Pregnant and.........(For-Giving Self)..

I'm going to be very transparent and take a great risk. Oh, for the mercy of God. When I was growing up, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was dying for love. Now when I had sex, that's when I felt the most love. So, I got very promiscuous. At around 25, I gave my-self to the Lord, Body, mind and soul. For over a year I had sustained from any sexual relations. I had just gotten filled with the Holy Spirit and going to a Vineyard church.

I ended up going to Nebraska with this guy, (another story) I gave up my job, my church and my apt. Telling him that I was not going to have sex till marriage. I gave up my job, my church and my apt. Well, one thing led to another and we had sex. The moment we were through I knew that I was pregnant.

Deep down in side, I wanted to marry a missionary and knew that I was not in a good relationship. I wanted to die. I felt hopeless, and that my life was ruined. I gave up place, church, job, everything, I didn't know what to so. I called a pastor form the yellow pages and he assured me that my life was not over and that I could go back to California and make things right.

I talked with my parents. My Dad was going hunting in Colorado and that he would me meet and we would drive back to Ca.. together in my car. It so turned out that my pastor from the vineyard was doing a conference in Colorado. So I made arrangements to go to the conference then meet my Dad.

After my pastor preached they played the song, “Jesus Loves Me” I just started to cry and cry. I really did not know why I was crying. Then they played “Holy, Holy, Holy.” I realized I was crying because of the pregnancy. I went to my pastor and told him that over a year ago I committed my-self to the Lord and that I gave in and got pregnant. Could he pray for me and the baby. He did.

While I was walking back to my seat, the Holy Spirit said, “You have to forgive yourself” At that time, I had no confidence in me, so I started to look for someone to pray with me, to help me forgive my-self.

I desperately looked for someone, but every one was busy worshiping and did not seem to be at a place where I could interrupt them. I really looked! So, now I would have to do this all by myself. (Oh, how good God is, how when you take a step in His direction, he runs to meet you.) I took a deep breath and said, “Brenda, I forgive you for having sex, and I forgive you for getting pregnant.”

As soon as I said that, God delivered me! I felt pure and Holy! I felt like I had a born again virginity.

Even though I was carrying a baby, I knew that God saw me pure and Holy! I was jumping for joy.

God revealed how necessary and powerful forgiving self really is. God showed me His love,His mercy, and His compassion. This experience was a pivotal point in my life. From that time on, God has been healing and restoring my life.           

                                     I pray that this openness can touch someone's HEART today.